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Pretty Girl Can't Take My Eyes off of You Time Machine Story of a Girl I Won't Be Left I Won't Be Left Tomorrow Tomorrow
you are wonderful
whole wheat flavor. I also stupidly balanced a cup of coffee on my bed, forgot about it and it spilled. When I noticed, I just stared at it for a few seconds, not really processing.

Secret: I will probably not wash my sheet until tomorrow. I am going to sleep in poorly-cleaned coffee spill. I will rationalize this by saying that it's off to the side.

Shadow Boobies and Written Rants

So the lens on the broken side of my glasses fell out today. I managed to fix it, but I think that maybe, just maybe, I need to actually get new glasses. HOWEVER it did help the crazy cleaning-obsessed part of me, because then I got to clean four years worth of particles from the edge of the lens AND the frame! Score! I almost wanted the other lens to fall out so I could clean that one too.

This freakiness is to distract myself from the nauseating depression. I am also tired because I continue to over-sleep. I took three naps today. I read; I wrote; I froze; I drifted aimlessly. The weather suffocated and the music I am playing in a lame attempt to revive myself is so harsh in my ears and is only making it worse.

I want to paint. I only have colored pencils and pastels. I want to paint arm-sweeping haphazard gashes of color that sprinkle my face with splashy paint droplets. I want to be able to cry and end up covered in paint. Paint paint paint. I love how paint feels to use and to touch. I want to make a paint print of my body. Fuck I don't know.

Did I tell you about my facial mosquito bites?

I can't wait to feel peaceful again. I can't wait until the sky is so blue that I want to scream in joy. Finally it isn't about my medication. My watch is bigger on me than it used to be. I still have a dark purple (my colored pencils say "mullberry") bruise on my hand. It makes me sick. Everything makes me sick. It's like I'm reliving that month-long hangover that was April and not being able to eat and not being able to not feel nauseous. Except this time I haven't drunk anything in a month so it's all just indicative of this useless depression caused by the weather and other stupid things that are not worth so much of my time. I force myself to eat so I am not subsisting on coffee and soy milk alone. Also to get the most out of my meal plan. The fuckers at this school aren't going to profit any more off of me than thy are with their four thousand dollar housing.

I can't write this script. It is too stupid and I am too... something.

I don't think that I've mentioned that I am a total asshole in a few days. Also I am completely narcissistic. Nausea. Seriously. If I'd had sex in the past month I'd think I was pregnant. I don't have my free Plan B here anyway.

Okay I just sat up and realized I don't want to get out of bed. Yeah. Awesome. I need to take pictures though, and I think I am going to freeze myself outside on a walk just to try to shake myself out of this. I want to see my grandmother. Okay, not really, mostly I want to sit in Central Park and shiver and pet Daisy, ho is incidentally the least friendly dog I know.

If I am going to be alone, I would really rather not do it in this godforsaken apartment.

I want to be making out with someone while rolling in the snow. 1. What the fuck. 2. What the fuck else is new. 3. Too bad about my pickiness. 4. Too bad about the lack of snow.

My laptop screen is being a flaky bitch again, after self-fixing for a while. I don't want to deal with this. If it isn't covered by warranty I can't afford to have it fixed.

Anyway, I'm going to take a walk in the dark. I've been out of bed for a total of maybe two and a half hours today, which, let me tell you, is awesome and not at all disturbing.
Testing 1, 2, 3.. 2 | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me


I am voting so hard for Obama and against amendments one and two and for amendment eight. SO HARD. SO FUCKING HARD.

Bill Clinton was at UCF today, I hear from my father, and my sister didn't go because it was too hot and too crowded. THAT IS NOT A REASON. ACKKKK SPOILED BRAT I WANT TO GOOOOOoooo. Except she had Colton and Rachel with her and all three of them were going to go, but, um Rachel's a baby. Maybe hot and crowded isn't the best thing with a baby.


fnaonfaofbnZMOKDFOSKGsg OHM YGODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I have to go for my birth control appointment now. Actually I was going to leave ten minutes ago. Oh well.

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Falling for the First Time | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

I have never been so excited in my life. Seriously. NEVER. FUCKING NEVER. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

dfv c

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Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
I just took a random remembered thing that came up and used it as a title. I think this was to that boy who is so bad at contact.

I'm sick, so that sucks. But it's good that Boston fell through then, because I would've gone anyway and been sick forever.

Do You Have One Really Funky Sequined Space Suit, Bowie?

I'm pretty. And tired. My body aches. I need to buy food tomorrow because I have none. I missed dinner today because I was sleeping so I ate my last tortilla and some Fiesta Sides Spanish Rice. It was grossish. Very sweet and also salty and nauseating.

I had a bloody nose half an hour ago. That was fun. Probably a blood pressure thing. The nurse said I have high blood pressure today. Sucks.

I just really like that picture.

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Falling for the First Time | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
So I'm in my head addicted to a certain guy I can't talk to, which is actually okay because it's fun to think about.

day thirty-nine: please don't turn me into chili
Then I think about why he isn't interested. I think it's my body. Now I'm insecure about my body. Especially when hearing about how guys want skinny girls. Because man, I will probably never be "narrower than [you]". I have humongous bones and genetic predisposition to weightiness. I go to the gym and everything but it takes so long.

Yeah, I'm doing it for me, I guess. I don't know. This summer I was feeling good about myself and since I got here it's kind of crashed.

I am trying to be my own friend like Becky says to, but it's so hard.

Becky just called me while I was writing that and now I feel better.

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Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
I am slightly less stupid right now.

I have had forty onces of cafeteria coffee slushy today.

Coffee Slushie for Brunch and Dinner
I sat on this bench while I drank them. The second time this creepy old man with an adorable dog named Cody came up to me, after staring at me for the three minutes it took for him to get from where he first saw me to my bench. Ugh. He asked me how long I've gone to this school and what my name is; fortunately I managed to lie, though usually when creeped out I can't, which is completely strange.

It's getting red here. Be jealous of me. I can't live without people being jealous of me.

Way to Make an Effort
Red leaves are my favorite.

I've been alone in this apartment for more than twenty-four hours. I know where two of my roommates are, but no idea where the third went. Weird. It's fun to be alone here, though. I watched What Women Want on TV late last night and it was horrible. I hate Mel Gibson in general. He hasn't actually been in a good movie ever. OH! And I wasn't actually alone because Fish was with me. Fish is a betta fish. I love him. I wish I could pet him. I wish he were a puppy that I could pet. Theoretically when I live in a real place I will get a dog, but they are so much work and I know I'll be so busy and that is no way to treat an animal.

Um, something else.

I need ideas for screenplays. I need them by Tuesday. I am so not feeling creative or idealicious. Ughughughhhh. 8-10 minutes. This is my hardest class because it does not rely on my analytical thinking which is all I think I know how to do. I am so stupid in some ways.

But at this moment I am so happy.

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Testing 1, 2, 3.. 2 | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
So I was on the Underground and it started! And I fell! Smack onto some guy's lap! We're totally meant to be, I could see it in his eyes and his frown and general look of annoyance. He had a book that he was reading and I sat on! The woman across the aisle laughed! Maybe she will be my maid of honor!

If only I had gotten their names.

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Testing 1, 2, 3.. 2 | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
Happy Birthday


Falling for the First Time | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
The fifty cent theater turned into a DOLLAR theater.
Testing 1, 2, 3.. 5 | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

If you were to have him stand on fifty-cent coins, his feet would be smaller than them, so that should give you some idea of what we're dealing with. I will announce and dispatch teams as they report to me for duty.

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Falling for the First Time | Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me