I only talk about bad things I guess I also guess I am really negative
I am going to stop drinking, for one. What a failure of me to do anything functionally. I need a non-mind-altering escape but books and movies don't work and I can't sleep. Oh, and I am not drunk now, I just recognize that I am so fucked up with something I don't remember how I was going to phrase this but I hope the idea is there. I also fear alcoholism, so yeah.


I think coming back to Orlando was a mistake. There have been four times when I have been happy and none of them have been in this house. I can't be in this house. I can't be with these people. I cannot tell these people anything but then they make me feel so guilty for not so I do and it always is a mistake.


I got a ticket Monday night. I didn't know then that it would be completely worth it because that was one of the four times I was happy. It's 231 dollars. I can't afford this. My parents are of course furious and not just about this but in general to the point that I do not even know what is going on. I do not know what I am being yelled at for anymore. I know where I could be happy right now but I can't go there and I wish I could make myself happy but I am just not capable of that right now.


I need somewhere else to live but that is something else that I cannot afford. I absolutely cannot be in this house, as it is really not healthy for me. Also I cannot actually live somewhere else because my sister and I share my car and she takes precedence over me it seems.


It is wholly ridiculous how much everything hurts. I have been taking my medication, so I actually cannot blame bipolar this time.


My hair looks pretty today though.